It’s Time to Take Another Look!- The Virtuous Woman

Alright, I felt led to repost this one originally posted here  last year around this time.  It seems it was extremely helpful to many people then so I’ll probably repost it every year around this time because it is so important.  If you haven’t already, please take time to read The The Virtuous Woman Demystified.  I believe you’ll be blessed!

 

I’m Meditating On This One Today!

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

 1 O LORD, you have searched me
       and you know me.

 2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.

 4 Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.

 5 You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.

 7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
       Where can I flee from your presence?

 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
       if I make my bed in the depths, ^[a] you are there.

 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 10 even there your hand will guide me,
       your right hand will hold me fast.

 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
       and the light become night around me,”

 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
       the night will shine like the day,
       for darkness is as light to you.

 13 For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

 15 My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

 17 How precious to ^[b] me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!

 18 Were I to count them,
       they would outnumber the grains of sand.
       When I awake,
       I am still with you.

 19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
       Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

 20 They speak of you with evil intent;
       your adversaries misuse your name.

 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
       and abhor those who rise up against you?

 22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
       I count them my enemies.

 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
       test me and know my anxious thoughts.

 24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
       and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139 NIV                                        

 

So, Who’s Standing in the Way of Your Dream?

So, who’s standing in the way of your dream?  Chances are, it’s probably you!  Heaven knows, timing has a lot to do with it and there are seasons of preparation peppered with seasons of restraint.  Yet, ultimately, no one else can keep you from fulfilling that God-given dream except you.  Oh, there can and most likely will be lots of discouragement…. however usually there is encouragement as well.  Perhaps, you’ll have to stir yourself up and be your own encouragement- if that’s what it takes, then learn how to do that.  It’ll help you out in this world.  There is no lack for the need of encouragement in this life and the sooner you learn how to encourage yourself and to be an encouragement to others, the better off you’ll be.

Also, you’ll need to let go of the negativity.  If you sit there and meditate on all the reasons you can’t do it, and all the horrid things that may have happened in the past that keep you from doing it, chances are you won’t do it…. at least not until you give up that way of thinking.  You don’t have to accept and agree with every thought that comes in your head… every voice from the past that says you’re not good enough… that says you have no right to dream for the manifestation of what God has placed in your heart… you don’t have to keep those thoughts.  You don’t have to keep mulling over curses that were spoken over you and your future.  If your dream is worth fighting for, then you need to fight! 

How?  First of all, you’ll need to replace those negative thoughts with promises of God.  Yes, you’ll have to do some research in the Word, but most definitely it won’t hurt you any and it’s sure to help!  Find a promise that relates directly  to the issue you’re dealing with- whether it’s low self-esteem, worry, lack of finances, condemnation over sins that have already been repented of, etc.  and meditate on those scriptures.  Repeat them over and over to yourself until you know that you KNOW you know them and the next time one of those negative thoughts comes into your mind- don’t accept it, don’t agree with it, don’t believe it- just replace it with a promise of God.  Should an issue come up that you can’t recall a promise for, then that’s a clue it’s time to dig into the Word again to seek the promise that refutes the issue.  Is it work?  Yes, but if it’s the dream you’re fighting for- isn’t it worth the effort? Aren’t you worth the effort?  Well, of course you are!  God thinks so.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God!  So, start believing it and begin reaching for that dream!  You may have to start by taking baby-steps but, even so, take them!  Don’t let pride get in the way!  Despise not the day of small beginnings!  After all, if you (along with God’s guidance and help) were incapable of fulfilling this dream, He never would have given it to you.  He knows you better than you know yourself and He knew you before you knew yourself.  So, what’s stopping you?  Who’s standing in the way of your dream?

 

Despise Not Small Beginnings

 Despise not small beginnings.  This popular saying has been on my heart for some time now.  I believe it comes from Zechariah 4:10  “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…”.  Many times it may seem that we are behind in completing a goal, or perhaps it seems that we don’t quite measure up compared to other’s standards or, perhaps, even our own.  However, when looking at ourselves and making comparisons with others, we should stop and let the Holy Spirit speak to us about the timeline, the standards, and the comparison itself.  Comparing ourselves to others and their accomplishments (or lack there of) is always a negative thing.  First of all, we each have our own course to run, so to speak.  We don’t need to look at anyone else to gauge our own effectiveness or success in completing our course.  We should look to God for the gauge. 

If we’ll only ask, the Holy Spirit will let us know how we’re doing in respect to running our course.  What may seem as falling way behind to us may actually be right on schedule in reality.  Only God knows for sure.  You’re not going to get the kind of confirmation that will meaningfully affirm your standing from your peers, your family, your best friend, your mate, the church crowd, or even your pastor.  For a truly meaningful state of the (your name here) address, we have to listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit.  Man looks at the outer appearance, but God looks on the heart.  He sees and knows the whole picture as well as the masterplan He created for you.  Perhaps you’re far away from that plan, but maybe you’re just a few steps from being smack dab in the midst of His perfect will for your life.  Only He knows for sure.  But one thing is certain, no matter where you are currently on God’s timeline, one step at a time will get you exactly where you need to be.  Look to Him for direction and despise not small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.  Be blessed!

 

Introspection

I wrote this piece for our church newsletter back in February 2001.  I felt led to do so after reading essays that had been submitted by our youth for a Black History Month Essay contest and realized there was some bitterness that needed to be addressed.  I feel led to share it again.  So, here goes!

 

No doubt about it, we as a people, have come a “mighty long way”.  We have a history that is as rich with loss as it is with triumph.  We have shed tears of joy as well as agony.  Many would ask the question, “Why so much pain…so much injustice…so much intolerance…such abuse…such a struggle?”  Why did we, as a people, have to sacrifice so much?  When we ask questions such as these we have a responsibility as Christians to look a little deeper.

You see, looking a little deeper is not an easy thing to do.  Yet, it is required of anyone who has a true, living and thriving relationship with God.  Looking a little deeper may cause you to see the work of the adversary for what it really is…a way to destroy your life, your past, your heart and your soul.  Looking a little deeper will have us questioning what kind of effects (un-Godly effects) the adversary’s work has had on us.

Has the pain made us blind to the pain of others not of our own race?  Has the injustice justified our own sins against those whom we perceive to be the cause of our pain?  Has the intolerance afforded us the ability to tolerate bitterness in our own hearts?  Have the abuses prompted us to allow an unforgiving spirit to reside in our souls?  Has the struggle brought you closer to God in your actions or has it caused you to sin mercilessly against Him?  Has the struggle been in vain?  We can only answer this question after we have taken a deeper look- a look with our spiritual eyes.  I can’t answer for you, nor can you answer for me.  The answer to this question is as personal as your relationship with God.

So, as we take time to consider the sacrifices of those who have gone before us, we must also look a little deeper into our own lives…our own past…our own hearts…our own souls.  If you start to feel at least a little insecure…look a little deeper….The Holy Spirit will show you a cross…and a savior…and your soul shall find rest as you realize…there was a purpose…and a plan…all along.

 

President- Elect… Barack Obama !

Regardless of how I voted, I had the biggest grin from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, Tuesday night! Yes, proud to be an American, but even more touched to be a Christian and know that somebody’s prayers had been answered that night- in front of the whole world! Praise, God! Who’s next in line? I say it’s something to shout about! God is good!

Today is not what it was just a few days ago.  We’ve reached a glorious milestone in America’s History.  The election of Barack Hussein Obama as the 44th president of these United States has been inspiring not only to many American citizens, but also to countless others around this world.  Different races, different nationalities, different ethnicities and even those who hold different philosphies can be excited about America and this milestone.  Even so, some seem to have had the wind knocked out of them- and I’m talking about a part of the Christian community.  It’s been a season of bitterness to many.  Personally, I was saddened at words/comments of poison and bitterness I had witnessed in the comments of some Christian blogs in the last few months.  Politics really gets some people fired up.  They seem to easily demonize the candidates of the party of which they are not supporting. I think it’s a shame and I believe God does as well.  He is so much bigger than our American politics… God is neither Republican nor Democrat. He doesn’t expect His children to walk in love only when it’s convenient.  We’re to walk in Love always… whether or not the politics at hand agrees with our own.  

Love endures long and is patient and kind; Love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. 

Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. 

It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.  Love (God’s Love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes not account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. 

It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. 

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is everready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. 

Love is what we all need to walk in.  Christians have no excuse not to.  This season of the political process has shed a great deal of light on the great divide in the Christian Church in America.  I’ve heard Sunday morning is one of the most segregated times in America… for the most part, each race retreating to the safety of their own church in order to worship the God who created all races.  A black church here, a white church there, etc.  Of course, there are more and more integrated churches. Yet, there is still a great divide in attitudes of those in the church in this country.  Those often repeated words of the president- elect’s former pastor, Jeremiah Wright, should have served as a wake-up call to the church.  Even if you have never given it much thought, I know God has.  Bitterness is a pill that’s been swallowed for too long in our churches.  I can honestly say, because I have been a member of a predominantly black church before, that too many times we allow cetain thoughts and attitudes to reside in  our heart simply because of past pain and indignities.  As Christians, we have to proceed with our lives and give it to God-  He cares so much for us and he cares about that pain.  If we’ll only trust Him with our pains and sorrows, He’ll take them.  He’ll give us so much more in return.  I believe last Tuesday night was evidence of that.  I pray that those in the church wont’ miss the significance of that night.  Whether a die-hard conservative Repbulican or a passionate devout Democrat, if you’re a Christian, I believe you should be joyful of at least one thing.  God answered and honored the prayers of many that night… those who were enslaved, beaten, tormented with fear to ever dare to dream for anything better- those who were told they were less than and treated as if they were 2nd class citizens…those who wept for loved ones who were taken away by the cruelties of the slave trade…those who cried out to God for justice and peace and a chance for the American dream even though they were not really considered to be a true citizen of this country…even though they were thought of as no more than another person’s property… their labor… their chattel…

God answered the prayer of a people that night and all Christians can rejoice about that.  It should be a reminder to you that your prayer that you’ve been believing God for will be realized as well.  Faith and patience make up the breakfast of champions, and we are truly that- we are champions. With the recognition of this truth, we are all victors.  Please don’t let this moment and this time pass you by without rejoicing.  God is good and faithful and true.   I urge each one of you not to miss out on this moment and the recognition of the goodness of our loving, prayer- answering, God.  Now, let’s pray and agree on that!  Let’s pray for healing and reconciliation in the Christian church.  Let’s continue to believe God for the fruit of the dream He planted in Martin Luther King, Jr.’s heart those many years ago- and let’s pray for that for God’s own church.  It’s time to remove the barriers and proceed into a new season within the body of Christ.  It’s time to let God love through us and renew our minds to the promise of His Word.  Then and only then can we as Christians affect nations.

It’s time to put pettiness and bitterness and gloom and doom aside and pray for and support the president-elect who, for all you know, was called for such a time as this.  I, for one, am more than happy to do so.   Be blessed!  

Photo courtesy of Time Magazine

P.S.- I also saw some inspiring posts on some of the following blogs as well… the night before the elections ragamuffinsoul.com had an interactive online prayer meeting called Praying Backwards where the participants were asked to pray for the candidates of the party they were not going to vote for. I think they had approximately two hundred people to join in.  Way to go Carlos!

This Christian sister had a great attitude regarding the elections.  This strong man of God also wrote an inspiring post on his blog after his candidate of choice did not win-   and I also found some other blogs  with some encouraging attitudes like this one from Kelli  who urged the church to rise up!  and these from  Kevin, Abbye, and this one from Brad Ruggles.  I appreciated all of your posts and your spirit!

 

Praying Backwards- Ragamuffinsoul.com

Alright, one thing that has been pretty heartbreaking is all of the poison that I’ve witnessed by other Christians when it comes to American Politics.  I was able to read some blogs and it tore at my heart some of the vicious, mean comments oozing out of some of my Christian brethren. Nobody’s perfect to be sure, but let’s not allow hate, or let resentment reside in our hearts under the guise of being “Godly”.  That’s just a personal observation. 

What I really wanted to write a little snippet about was an internet prayer meeting taking place tonight at 9:30 p.m. Eastern Time.  Read all about it here.  Ragamuffinsoul.com is hosting this prayer session to bring some unity to our body and to pray for all of the Presidential and VP candidates.  Those on the left side of the political spectrum are asked to pray for those candidates on the right side of the political spectrum and those on the right side of the political spectrum are asked to pray for those candidates on the left side.  If you’re a moderate, than pray for everyone!  But the point is to pray for those you’re voting against.  Pray blessings on them!  They are all our leaders in one form or another whether they are senators, or a governor and we should respect and pray for them and their families- point blank.  If you’re unable to log in and take part with the internet prayer session, then make it a point to pray for all of the candidates on your own time!  Be a blessing!  Be blessed!

 

A Time to Vote is A Time for Prayer

As we all know, it’s been quite a long season of politics in these United States…  Lots of mudslinging, inaccuracies, bold lies, and bitterness as usual. Yet, there have been great strides made in many areas as well.  Personally, I must admit I have a strong aversion to politics.  However, I relish the fact that I get an opportunity to take part in the political process.  I thank God that I live in this great country where freedom has been successfully fought for with the  blood, sweat, and tears of those who have gone before us.  I praise God for where He’s brought us from and what He’s brought us through.  Each citizen of this country has their own unique story…their own unique journey…their own unique bumps and bruises from their past which tend to leave impressions which many times tend to shape our worldview and, in particular, our view of our nation.  We each have a unique vision and dream of how we would envision this country progressing. 

This is the time we have to ”sow a seed” not only for our immediate future but for the future of generations to follow.  It is a duty not to be taken lightly.  It is a decision that should be made with prayer.  I don’t care who my neighbor votes for, or my pastor, or my friend… I just pray that they’ll vote their conscience and conviction.  That’s all I ask of my neighbor, my pastor, my family and my friends… The rest is a personal matter between God and each one of us.

 

Engrafting Edification- Observations From The Book of Proverbs- # 6

My son, keep your father’s [God-given] commandment and forsake not the law of [God] your mother [taught you].  Bind them continually upon your heart and tie them about your neck.  When you go, they [the words of your parents' God] shall lead you; when you sleep, they shall keep you; and when you waken, they shall talk with you.

Proverbs 6: 20-22

It is so important to immerse ourselves in God’s words, His will, and His way.  I think a lot of times we have failed to realize the creative and life-giving power of His Word.  After all, how did God create our environment?  He spoke words and heaven and earth were created as well as plants and animals, etc.  We need to carry on in His pattern and speak life to our situations, circumstances, and each other.  We learn how to do that by digging into the Word of God and keeping it in our hearts, minds, and even in our mouths.  We need to sleep, eat, drink, and speak the Word of God- that’s called meditating on the Word.  When we do this, we’ll find it easier to be led by the Holy Spirit thus resulting in protection and wisdom amongst many other benefits. Do you want to travel highways of pleasantness and paths of peace even through the worst of circumstances?  Try engrafting your heart with edification- God’s Words.  Then you’ll begin to travel the road ahead of you assuredly….”When you go, they [the words of your parents' God] shall lead you; when you sleep, they shall keep you; and when you waken, they shall talk with you.”

 

Always the Lady?…. “Why, I’m a Child of the King!”

When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down.

Ephesians 4:26 AMP

Alright, here’s what I’ve been dealing with since the end of August.  On August 19th, I went to my optometrist for my annual eye exam, contact fitting, etc.  This year I had specifically set aside money in my Flex Spending Account for at least two new pairs of glasses.  I chose two pair, one of them being quite expensive (compared to what I usually spend on glasses).  The frame of the more expensive pair was beautiful and I was excited to get them back.  When I went to pick up my glasses, I did not like the look of my first pair (the less expensive pair).  The salesman knew I didn’t like them because I mentioned it. The lenses seemed larger than what I had remembered when I had picked them out.   I told him maybe they needed some tint and maybe that would improve their appearance.  He said he could have tint placed on them at no charge.  I told him I would think about it and let him know.  Next, I tried on the expensive pair.  They looked great on me from what I could see at the time although I was concerned because my depth perception was a little bit off.  I was told I probably needed to wear them for awhile to get used to them.  I took them and left the shop and drove home.

While at home, I put on a pair of the glasses and checked each pair out thoroughly.  To my surprise, I noticed a gap between the upper left (when looking at the frames in my hands) portion of the left lens and the frame (it looked like a hole- the frames had been cut incorrectly).  It was significant to me, but I thought I would ask a few people to see if they thought I was just being picky.  I took the glasses to work with me that night and showed a couple of co-workers, and they said they would take them back and have them cut a new lens because it should be perfect for that price.  Thus, the next morning I took both pairs of glasses back to my optometrist’s office and spoke with the salesman.  I told him to go ahead and put tint on the pair I did not like.  Then I showed him the defect in the more expensive pair.  He tried to convince me there was no defect.  I then pointed out to him the difference between the left and right lenses in the corner.  He still tried to talk me out of it.  I told him I had already showed it to other people and they agreed it was something that was unacceptable and besides I had paid ($—) and I wanted them to be perfect.  That ended that conversation.  I was polite as usual.  I never make it a point to be ugly with people just because I am dissatisfied with the service or products I received.  However, I did make a mental note of how he had tried to pretend there was nothing wrong with the glasses. 

He called me at home about a week or more later and told me that the lab couldn’t place pink tint over Crizal lenses- they could only use brown or gray.  I told him to forget it, since I did not think brown or gray would really make the glasses look any better. He went on to explain how he cuts the lenses but they send them to a lab for tint and different coatings, etc.  At that moment I thought to myself, “So you cut the lenses! – That’s why you had such a hard time accepting the lens that was incorrectly cut in the more expensive frame.”  He had obviously taken it personally.   He told me I could come in to pick up both pairs of glasses whenever I got a chance.  I think I went the next day to pick them up. 

Of course, with the first pair that I didn’t like, there was nothing new to look at.  However, the other pair, which had looked so good on me but had a significant defect, was now fixed where the left lens was concerned.  However, this time the right lens was coming out of the frame on the whole right side of its lens.  I pointed it out to him.  He took the glasses back to a little machine he had and did something.  He fixed the lens however now the left lens was out of its frame.  I pointed it out to him and he then proceeded to tell me that that was how the frame was made-  the lenses were not supposed to fit in the frame.  He said it was a designer frame with a newer- edgier style and that the lenses were not supposed to fit in the rims.  He went on to flex the temples of the frames to demonstrate what he was saying. I shook my head and he took the frames back to the machine and bent them so that both lenses were out of the frames on their outside edges.  I couldn’t believe he was saying that.  However, I was tired of sitting there while he tried to convince me that was the style and nothing was wrong with them.  For some unknown reason I left with the glasses.  I went home and looked at them over and over again.  I tried them on and looked at them and the more agitated I became.  I called the salesman up and told him I had looked at the glasses over and over and could not get over paying that amount of money for glasses that look like that.  I then asked him what he could do about it.  He said I obviously didn’t like that style and to bring them back and we could pick some more.  He asked if I wanted to come in the next week.  I told him I wanted to come in right then.  He told me o.k. and I drove right back to the business. 

 Next, I gave him the glasses and took my time picking out a number of frames to try on.  I wanted to make sure this pair would be right.  How about the salesman tried to push plastic frames on me by saying, they’re really “in” this year.  I didn’t remember him saying anything about plastic frames when I was picking out the first two pairs of glasses.  I ignored him on that point and went about choosing all the frames that struck my fancy.   I had probably picked out about 10 -15 frames to try on.  I sat down and went through them systematically, finally deciding between two frames.  I then picked the frame I liked the best and the salesman took it. I asked him, “How much are they? Is it going to be more or less than the others?”

He responded, “Oh, don’t worry about it- I won’t charge you anymore.”

I responded,  “and if it’s less?…”

He replied, “Well, I don’t know if the manufacturer is going to take those other frames back yet…”  I just squinted my eyes at him like he was crazy without saying a word.  I thought to myself, “This guy thinks I just fell off of the onion truck.”

I left and went home knowing that the salesman was going to try to pull a fast one over on me when I returned to get the glasses.  “He’s got a lot of nerve to think I’m just going to let him keep any difference there is in the frames.” I thought to myself.  I estimated there had to be anywhere between a $100 – $200 difference between the pair I had just returned and the one I had just chosen.  Once again, I asked the opinion of a few others to see what they thought on the matter.  Each one agreed with me that he indeed owed me the money.  One co-worker insisted he should re-imburse me for gas too- since I had to keep going up there in reference to these glasses.  I smiled when she said that knowing that was a long-shot.

A few weeks later, on Friday, Sept. 26th I was in bed and received a call from the salesman.  He said the glasses were ready and asked if I could come in and get them that day.  I told him that I could not and that I would be in to get them the next week.  He went on to say that they would be on vacation next week (he and the optometrist) and the business would only be open in the afternoons from 1- 4 p.m.  I stated that was fine and that I would just have to get up early one afternoon and get them.  He persisted, “Well, the thing is… if they need adjusting, I won’t be here to adjust them for you.”  I told him that if they needed adjusting I would simply bring them back in one morning when he was there.  He had to add, “Well, if you change your mind…, we’ll be here all day today.”  I told him once again I would get them the next week and hung up the phone.  I hate it when people try to manipulate me. 

Well, it turned out that it was not convenient for me to go the week of their vacation either.  So I went in on Wednesday of the week they were back(October 8th).  However, I called and asked my Flex Benefits Card Company whether I had the same rights with it as I had with a regular credit card and then went on to explain my previously shady dealings with the salesman and that I believed he would try to keep the money which he owed me since the pair of glasses I was about to pick up were going to be less than the original ones he had charged me for.  She told me yes, that my rights were the same.  I had to give him a chance to correct the situation in good faith.  However, if he refused to place the difference on my card, I was to call them back and they would start the paperwork for fraudulent charges.  They would handle the matter from there on out.  He has a responsibility as a merchant to please the consumer. I was told it was not my responsibility to pay for his mistakes with cutting the lenses, etc. and that it was not my problem.  So, I entered the business knowing exactly what my rights were and what was reasonable to expect from the standpoint of the law.  

The salesman came around the corner to get me and their was the usual small talk.  He brought out the new glasses and placed them on me and started to do his adjustment thing with the temples.  When he finished I looked in the mirror and stated, “Oh, those do look nice!”   He went on with small talk which included, if you can believe it (or even if you can’t) a sales pitch for the glasses I had orginally returned.  He made a point to tell me that he still had them in the back and that those frames and those lenses would only fit one person in the world and that was me… he would be glad to sell them to me at a discount… I quickly interjected and told him I was not interested.  He went on to tell me he would keep them in the drawer in the back if I changed my mind.  When he was finished, I asked, “How much were they?” pointing to the new glasses I now had on my face.

He responded, “I don’t know. I didn’t even add them up.” 

In a pleasant voice, I replied, “I suspect that they’re going to be significantly lower than the other frames I brought back.  I would like for you to place the difference back on my Flex Benefits Card. ”

 His eyes widened in disbelief, “The manufacturer wouldn’t take the frames back.”

Cool, calm, and collected, I responded, “That’s not my problem. ”

Actually tearing up (I couldn’t believe what I was seeing) he said, “I told you I wouldn’t charge you anything for these glasses and that would be that.”

I quickly interjected, “No…. I asked you if the glasses were going to be more or less than the original pair I brought back and you told me that you wouldn’t charge me anymore, so I asked ‘and if they’re less?’ to which you responded- well, I don’t know if the manufacturer will take them back- and then I just looked at you.”

“Well the manufacturer wouldn’t take them back.” he repeated.

Once again, I replied, “That’s not my problem.”  We just sat and looked at each other for a few moments, me- knowing it was the law that he had to refund the difference (without letting him know that I knew) and him with tears in his eyes putting on the performance of his life. 

“He said, “Hazel, you’ve been a good customer for a long time.”

I quickly agreed, “Yes, I have!”

He went on, “I understand where you’re coming from but I wish you would look at it from my point of view… I’ve already paid for those glasses twice…”

My ears perked up and so did my eyebrows, “TWICE ?”

“Yeah..” he went on, “First when you ordered them and then again when you didn’t like them…”

“No. I paid for them when you ordered them.  You purchased them with my $— dollars.”

 ”Well, o.k., but I purchased them two times.” I shook my head at him in disbelief as he went on.  “In all my years, I have NEVER had someone bring back a pair of glasses because they didn’t like them!” he exclaimed with his hands flailing out to his sides.

I quickly chirped in, “I didn’t bring those glasses back because I didn’t like them.  I brought them back because the lenses weren’t cut correctly.” 

“That was the design!  That’s how they’re made I told you!” 

“No, it was not the design, the lens wasn’t cut right.” 

 Then he said a little more calmly, “O.k.,  maybe I made a mistake by not realizing that a prescription as strong as yours would not fit well in those designer frames… but I’ve learned my lesson now… and it was a big lesson and I’ve paid for that.”

“No, you’re trying to make me pay for that and it’s not my problem.” 

Once again we just sat there and looked at each other.  I suppose he thought I would give in.  Many probably do.  But as I said before, I was armed with the truth. 

I looked at him and said, “Can you talk it over with —-(His wife who was my optometrist before he even came to work there).”

He quickly chirped up, “No, she’s already mad at me because I’m not making you pay for these.” speaking of my new glasses.

I corrected, “I did pay for these with my $— dollars.”

Silence.  Sometimes it golden.  Sometimes it’s not. Then, “I don’t even know how to do it on the card machine.  I tried doing it a couple of weeks ago with someone else and it wouldn’t work.  It says you need a pass code but it doesn’t work.”

I looked at him and said, “Alright, I’ve done what I can do, if you’re not going to give it to me, you’re not going to give it to me.  However, I would like an itemized receipt listing how much I paid for each item dealing with these glasses- how much for transitions, how much for the frames, how much for polycarbonate lenses, how much for anti-reflective coating, etc. because on the receipts I’ve received- you never tell me how much each item costs you simply give me a total for a frames/lens package.  I would like that for all three pairs of glasses.”

He jumped up before walking to the back and said, “It’ll take a few minutes.”

I responded, “That’s fine.”  While he was gone I took off the new glasses and looked them over while thinking to myself, “Boy, he’s really trying to pull one over on me.” Then, I noticed some scratches on the temple of the frame.  I shook my head in disbelief.  The optometrist came out with a patient to wait for the salesman.  She didn’t stop, just walked into the back where the salesman had gone.  I assumed they were back there talking about the situation as he was probably trying to make the receipts and prices match, etc.

When the salesman came back and handed me the receipts for the three pairs of glasses (the one I returned and the two I now had) I asked him what the difference was.  He told me there was a hundred dollar difference between the frames but if we took away the discounts he had given me in the beginning it would be a $48.00 difference.  I asked, “Why would we take away the discounts I was first given?” (One of the discounts was because I brought in a card they had mailed out to their customers saying they would get $25.00 off  a pair of glasses- I didn’t remember the other discount but he pointed it out to me on the original forms he had filled out when I had first ordered the glasses on 08/19/08.  I then asked for a copy of those two forms as well- which he gave to me.

I asked, “Did you see the scratches on this frame?”

“I’ll replace them if you’d like me too, you still have a year warranty on the lenses and the frames, I didn’t take that away from you.”

I must admit I gave him a slight smirk and shook my head in disgust.  Then I said, “Well, I’ve done what I can do.  I’m going to go call my Flex Spending Card people and talk to them about it.”  I stood up to leave.

He said, “I’ll write you a check for $48.00.”

I said, “I want $100.00 and it has to be placed on my card.” and I turned to leave.

He said, “Well, let me talk to —(my optometrist) tonight and I’ll call you tomorrow morning.”

“Didn’t you talk to her while you were in the back?”"

“No.  She just walked back and handed me a folder and said I had two customers waiting for me.  We never get to talk at work.  I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Fine.  You talk to her and I’m still going to call my Flex Card People.”

“I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Fine.”  As I was walking out the door I turned back and said, “Thank you.” to the receptionist who responded with a chipper farewell.  I had kept my cool and handled myself well.- I was quite pleased with that.  Years before, in a bad car deal, I had not been as level-headed.  I had wound up causing quite a scene. Oh, how we live, learn, and are transformed from glory to glory.  This time, even in the face of someone continuously lying to me in order to rip me off, I remained calm and did not “show out” so to speak.   It really is insulting that someone would stoop to that degree in order to make money.  Honesty matters and ethical business practices matter.  I’ve included some links below that might help someone out if they think they’re being cheated, bamboozled, or ripped off by someone they’re doing business with. Always do the research.  As you can see from my experience above, that some people will stop at nothing in order to cheat you out of your hard earned money.  They count on wearing you down, making it seem as if you’re the unreasonable one, and your ignorance of the law. Don’t make it easy for them, but don’t act in an un-Godly manner.  There are laws to protect consumers.  However the person trying to rip you off will never let you know that.  It’s up to you to find out what the laws are and what can be done about your particular situation.  Also, don’t sit on it.  For certain things you have to file paperwork within a certain timeframe of the business transaction in order to be able to dispute a charge, etc.  So, the earlier you begin looking into it, the better. 

How did my situation end?  Well, the salesman called the next morning and didn’t mention his wife’s name at all. He said, “I decided to refund the $100.00 to your Flex Benefits Card to make you happy.  So, you can stop by whenever you get a chance and I’ll put it back on there…if I can figure how to do it on the machine.”

I said with a smile in my voice, “Great!  I’ll stop by soon.”

We hung up and I immediately called the Flex Benefit Card customer service reps. and told them how it had ended up and asked them how to proceed if I went over there and he pretended he did not know how to place the money on the card.  They told me exactly how to proceed and I went to the business the next morning.  I had to wait awhile (of course) but the salesman finally came out and gave it a shot with his credit card machine.  He said it didn’t work and he would have to get someone on the phone to give him a passcode.  “If you want, I can write down your card number so you can go because it took quite awhile to get someone on the phone the other time I had to do this.”

I shook my head and smiled and said, “No. I’ll wait.”  He sighed and went and got a phone and returned back to the machine.  It seemed to take all of three minutes. He gave me a receipt for the refund and had me sign a receipt for his records and I was out of there. Case closed?  Nope!  I returned home and called the Flex reps. once again to see if the refund actually showed up.  He had already proven to me he was completely untrustworthy.  The transaction had not shown up which was unusual because they usually showed up immediately (so the cutomer service rep. told me).  She told me she would keep an eye on it and call me back.  She didn’t call me back so the next day I called her- she was out sick but another rep. helped me and told me it still had not shown up and what we would do if it didn’t show up the next week.  Well, I called on Tuesday, and indeed the $100.00 had been refunded to my account.  Now, what was it in this man that made him not want to do the right thing?  Even if he didn’t want to do it, surely he knew the law.  I suppose he thought he could get away with it and probably has so many times before.  I don’t know if his wife knows about how he is handling her business, but if she does, it is a shame.  If she doesn’t, then it’s another kind of shame.  He’s giving a business with her name on it, a terrible reputation.  If she knows how he handles the business then so be it, the reputation is well deserved.  However, if she does not, then God bless her- she has problems not only in her business, but also in her marriage- However, that’s her problem and thank goodness, no longer mine. 

Please check out these links and research consumer protection laws in your own state in order to learn some vital information:

NC Consumer Protection Division 

The Better Business Bureau of the Coastal Carolinas

Federal Trade Commission Consumer Protection